


Drumbeats in the hollow

by nymphori



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, BokuAkaKuro Week, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 07:25:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 23,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6945526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nymphori/pseuds/nymphori
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's kissed them both - well, they've both kissed him - and from the books it's fine so long as they know and well, he hasn't told them, but still, Tetsurou is pretty sure that they know. They have to know. If they don't... if they don't then maybe it's not as okay as Tetsurou thinks.</p><p>If they don't know, then it's really, really, really bad. He's <i>that</i> guy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Drumbeats in the hollow

The first time it happens, Tetsurou chalks it up to a dream. It’s an impossible thing, it can’t have happened, he was simply small and sleepy and in his dreams he conjured

It starts with his parents pulling over, a rest stop late into the night; a long day of driving but still a long way to go considering the traffic that has followed them the entire way. Tetsurou is tired, sick of sitting silently; all he wants is to sleep in his own bed, face buried between his pillows. He doesn’t want to still have hours in the car ahead of him. He has to agree with the decision, the fresh air of the outside world is so much nicer than the stale air conditioning he’s been breathing in.

It also helps, Tetsurou finds almost the second he steps down from the car, the very moment he feels solid earth beneath his feet, there is an excited voice that calls for his attention.

A boy, his age, Teturou is sure.

As soon as he has Tetsurou’s attention he reaches out and clasps Tetsurou’s hand in his own. The boy’s hand is called, the cool, fresh air of the night settling in against his skin. It’s a breath of life. In just a moment Tetsurou is awake, alert; his blood rushes to warm the cool touch against his palm and his face pulls up to match the joy that stands across from him.

“Do you want to play?”

Tetsurou looks for his parents, but they’re already traipsing up the hill towards the building that must be hiding the toilets from the road. He doesn’t know how long they’re stopping for. If it will be only as long as a bathroom break or if his mum will want a little extra time before starting the final leg home. 

Playing is worth the risk, he decides quickly, turning back to eyes that seem to shine so bright they almost glow. His parents are unlikely to leave without him. Tetsurou doesn’t answer with his voice, not wanting to cut through the still night that surrounds them. He just squeezes against the hand in his hold, cold even now, and lets himself be dragged into the trees that line the road. 

Tetsurou doesn’t keep track of the path they walk, he just trusts blindly in the boy that walks half a step ahead of him. Still in sight, still visible; even when the moon and stars are covered by the canopy of leaves and darkness coats the world around them.

They stop, they climb trees, they swing between branches and leap across the growing darkness that looms beneath them. Tetsurou runs after the burning gold and knows instinctively that doing so will keep him from falling. Tetsurou chases and chases the boy ahead of him until cool hands surround his own once more. To tiptoe through the roots of the trees. Silent but for the crunch of leaves beneath his feet. He’s led through the undergrowth, through low hanging branches and past something else that seems to glow. They don’t stop. Tetsurou doesn’t know where he is but he does not that he isn’t lost.

They stumble upon a crowd of animals. Tetsurou stumbles, the boy leading him doesn’t stumble. He’s led Tetsurou all the way here, to see this. To the owls burrowing into the ground, to where the fox’s tail disappears through the trees, to where Tetsurou feels eyes on him, so many eyes, but none that he can see.

The boy sits down, stretching the hand not connected to Tetsurou towards the birds on the ground and Tetsurou watches on in awe as one climbs onto the boy's palm. The boy’s smile grows impossibly wider with the bird on his hand and to Tetsurou, it’s like his entire being glows brighter. The happiness in his soul exposed as an aura around him and Tetsurou is caught up in it.

Tetsurou kneels too, slowly inches his fingers closer to what he knows are soft, warm feathers. It’s confirmed when he finally touches them. The bird hoots, a low musical note. “He likes you.” Tetsurou looks away from the bird; looks to gleaming eyes and a blinding smile. It’s the first time Tetsurou has heard him speak since being asked to play, it’s the first time Tetsurou replies.

“I like him too.”

And with the words he finally speaks into the silence, Tetsurou feels once more feels the cold in his hand. Ice spreading up his arms, to his very core. It makes him think of home, it makes him want to be curled up in his bed. Face settled into the pillows to block out everything. The feeling is safe.

The bird chirps once more. Tetsurou yawns and resists the way gravity wants to pull him down. His lashes to his cheeks, his head to the lap beside him. He resists it with the aid of a cool press against his hand.

Finally, Tetsurou is pulled to his feet. Almost blindly he follows the golden trail between the trees to arrive at the car just as he sees his parents walk back down the path towards the car. All that time away and he hasn’t been missed.

“I’ll see you again.” Cool air grasps his hand, Tetsurou climbs back into his seat.

The next thing Tetsurou knows is that he’s pulling his head out from between his pillows to greet the warm light of day.

 

 

The second time it happens, Tetsurou is older, but only by a little bit. He still thinks it might be a dream. A dream is the only way it makes sense because otherwise he is sure that he would have noticed that Kenma invited someone else to his sleepover a lot earlier. Like maybe at dinner, or while making apple pie in Kenma’s kitchen under his mum’s supervision, or when eating because Tetsurou is sure that he would have noticed this extra person was not getting any to eat for himself.

It’s a dream. One of those lucid dreams he’s heard people talk about having. A dream where he knows it’s a dream.

It makes sense in Tetsurou’s head, because how else would this boy, smaller and skinnier and paler than even Kenma be in Kenma’s room right now?

Still, Tetsurou shifts towards the boy, towards where he glows in the light escaping the television. Glows where he sits, controller in hand, and Tetsurou realises that he is actually playing the game.

Tetsurou holds his breath and crawls along his futon and around Kenma’s sleeping body to sit next to the boy.

“I’m sorry,” the boy says; when it is Tetsurou who has bumped into him to slide into place. “Did I wake you up?”

Tetsurou shakes his head, the boy’s voice is soft and low, but Tetsurou knows his own is loud, even when he tries not to be. And Kenma will be upset to be woken up before the sun even thinks to appear. Still, he knows the boy didn’t wake him up; because Tetsurou has been trying to get to sleep for as long as Kenma has had his eyes closed. He always feels bad for falling asleep first, even though Kenma says he doesn’t care, but today was Kenma’s birthday and he wanted it to be special. So Tetsurou bought a caffeine drink from the store before coming, unknowing that it would have him seeing parts of the night that not even Kenma stayed up to see.

He hasn’t been woken up, and this is nicer than lying down and just hoping that sleep would come to claim him.

“Would you like to play?” His voice is soft and low again, almost musical in its quality. The type of music that thrums in his chest. He feels it now. Deep in his chest it calms and soothes long after the low him of the screen is the only sound in his ears.

Tetsurou nods again, not wanting to speak.

Soft warm fingers press a second controller into his fingers, and then they play.

It’s more fun than playing with Kenma, and Tetsurou thanks his voluntary vow of silence that the thought will never be brought to life. It doesn’t stop it from being true. Playing with Kenma is not fun, not when Kenma is so much better and doesn’t believe in going easy. Not in this, not when he doesn’t have to move. This is more fun because there is competition. Tetsurou doesn’t know if he is going to win or lose, and when they play together Tetsurou doesn’t feel like he is holding their team back. They play well together. In a muted silence that seems to only be filled with Tetsurou’s halted breath.

Tetsurou holds back the way he wants to scream in victory and the times he wants to groan in defeat. He holds it in, letting only his breath escape, letting the smile that sits across his lips to speak for him about how much fun he’s having. In Kenma’s room, in the dead silence of the night. The boy next to him speaks in small smiles too, and in the way his eyes reflect green in the glow of the screen.

“It’s so late it’s early.”

The musical voice interrupts the game, he speeds in to win and Tetsurou almost thinks this is the only reason he spoke; until he looks to the window and finds the sun creeping in from the edge of the curtains.

It’s so late it’s early enough for the sun to steal into the room. His heart jumps and races, he’s never stayed up this long before. It’s exciting and new. And while Tetsurou watches the light crawl across the room it darkens. The television has been switched off.

“You should sleep.” And though his heart had been racing earlier, as the voice steals into his chest it slows. It thumps a steady rhythm, it makes everything heavy. His head, his arms, his everything. “Here.” Tetsurou takes the extra pillow, adds it to the two that already lay at the head of his futon.

“Thank you.” And now Tetsurou knows, that when Kenma says he’s loud, what he needs to do is never sleep; because now even his voice is sleepy.

“Sleep well.” And really, with that voice in his head, resounding in his chest, it seems impossible not to. His pillows have never felt softer, the space between them never darker, the warmth surrounding him never quite so embracing.

 

 

Golden Week is meant to be fun. It's Tetsurou's first time staying away with his team and not just his class. It's meant to be fun, but Tetsurou is tired from all the training and drained from constantly being rebuked by the seniors on the team. They don't appreciate his ideas for plays, strategies he has been waiting to put into action, dragging Kenma out away from his games to play. Tetsurou is told to sit down, to listen, to do as he's told. And so he's tired, practicing harder in order to prove that he's not just talk, that he can do what he is trying to show them.

But he's a first year. His word counts for nothing and straight away Tetsurou vows to always listen when he is older when he's the senior. When they're on the court their age is irrelevant.

And this is what leads him to tonight. It's the last night of their trip, and contrary to what he thought he would feel, Tetsurou cannot wait to get back home. He wants to go back to school, back to regular practice, back to running home and dragging Kenma out to practice all these things that he had been excited to try here. But life doesn't play out that way.

Tetsurou is as sleeplessly excited to go home tomorrow as he was to come here a week ago.

He escapes his futon and makes his way stealthily from the room. He steals into the storage room and picks out a ball to take with him outside.

Tetsurou walks around to the other side of the building. This way at least, he won't wake the team up with his own sleeplessness. Doing so will not do him any favours.

In position, Tetsurou passes the ball to himself against the wall. It can only have been ten or so hits when the voice cuts through the air. "Do you want to play?"

And it's been years since he's heard this voice, but Tetsurou can only feel like this is the real reason for his sleeplessness tonight. He's been restless so that he would go outside, restless so that he would be here, now, to see the boy he dreamed up so long ago. The difference is this time when a hand clasps around Tetsurou's own, the cool fresh air of the night seeping into his skin, Tetsurou knows that this is not a dream. So, this time, Tetsurou isn't afraid to talk back.

"Do you know how to play?"

Tetsurou watches the boy bristle and giddiness floods his system in a way he hasn't felt all week. "I am the best at volleyball!" Tetsurou doesn't quite believe in his claim, but he likes the force behind it.

"Prove it!"

Tetsurou throws the ball in his hands up into the air. It's not meant to be a toss, it's not meant to be anything. It's warming up his hands, it's putting motion back into the stillness of the night. Tetsurou doesn't expect the heavy steps that resound through the silence of the night. He looks up just in time to see him swing. Body arched in midair and shining in the moonlight even though Tetsurou is sure that the night is dark, that it had been before now.

The night brightens further, a soft glow lighting up the space where they stand, though what brings the glow is not soft at all. It's loud, it cracks through the night in a way that makes Tetsurou check for actual cracks in the wall. With another thud, he lands on the ground, and Tetsurou feels like his jaw is there too as he watches the ball fly away from him.

His attention snaps back to the laughter booming behind him. "I told you I was the best!"

Tetsurou joins in on the laughter. Hunching over at clutching at his stomach as it burns. He's pretty sure he's laughing in shock. It's one thing for someone to say they're the best, it's another thing entirely to have them immediately show off the truth in their words, on what wasn't even a real toss. Tetsurou laughs because that reckless hit was better than any that he's seen his teammates make. Tetsurou laughs, because for all of the talk his seniors talk, here is raw power, talent, someone who would easily comply with everything Tetsurou wants to try. But he is not on the team.

Tonight that doesn't matter. Tonight they are together. They can be together for as long as Tetsurou is awake.

He composes himself. "Let's play then!"

Tetsurou knows how the ball must feel now when all the power thrown into the hit is thrown into a pat on his back.

And this is the highlight of Tetsurou's week. His palms sting from the slap of the ball and his arm stings from where the ball slaps against him. Pain has never felt so good. His legs burn from jumping and his cheeks burn from the smile that never leaves. This entire week has been worth his frustration now, replaced with the joy of this moment. 

He's finally traipsing slowly off to bed with bruised everything while he struggles to catch his breath.

The boy still feels like a phantom, but Tetsurou doesn't mind so long as his cheeks are burning in pain along with the rest of him.

 

 

This time, Tetsurou doesn't care about what his teammates think, he obeys and he protects. Tetsurou makes sure that Kenma isn't forced to do too much. Kenma might only be playing because of Tetsurou's annoying persistence, but he doesn't want Kenma to hate it or hate him. And Tetsurou enjoys it so much more to have his best friend here. And Kenma must like it at least a little that Tetsurou doesn't pester him here the way he does at home. Because this time as everyone settles in for the night, right from the first night, Tetsurou heads outside with a ball to meet the boy from his dreams.

The boy who shines like moonlight with a smile like sunshine, who Tetsurou might mistake for a ghost except for the bruises on his back in the shape of his hands.

He doesn't always stay out all night, but Tetsurou consistently tiptoes back to the room on the wrong side of midnight, every single time needing to stop off by Kenma's glowing face. Tetsurou is not the only one who wake up in the morning bleary eyes and disgruntled. He might be the only one who doesn't regret his late nights. Because as night falls on another boring day Tetsurou will take a ball and head out to play in the darkening sky. 

Tetsurou doesn't know his name, why he's here, why he keeps coming. He's almost afraid to know the answers. A year since the last time they played together, so much longer since the first time they met, and Tetsurou is sure that there is something more to him. To this boy, he once dreamed of, to the boy he's only ever seen without the sun. The boy who seems to shine from within. He's otherworldly, and Tetsurou doesn't want to spoil the magic.

In another year, the routine is the same. Only now, Tetsurou is in charge of the team. He still doesn't get to do what he wants, he won't make his team run through Olympic plays when he knows the team doesn't want to when he knows it's not something they want to struggle through learning. He doesn't mind so long as they are having fun. This is how he wants his team to be. This is how he wants them to play. He wants them to smile and have fun and not have the same experience he had with his first camp. He likes to think he's succeeding.

His team has fun during the day, and now that he's captain he has to wait until everyone finds their way to bed, has to wait until the teacher checks to make sure they're all there, but once that's all out of the way it's finally time for Tetsurou to finally have some fun.

Tetsurou is tense as he leaves his slumbering teammates behind in the room. His heart is heavy in his chest and his breath catches in his throat. What if, after spending this day making sure that everyone has been having fun, somewhat sacrificing his own, there is nobody waiting outside for him? Tetsurou takes his time unlocking the storeroom and searching through the basket of balls. He picks out a deflated ball and pumps it up by hand. If he takes his time, if he's sleepier, he'll be able to conjure up the boy from his mind. With the leather of the ball pulled taut Tetsurou faces his fear.

Outside the sky is bright, full moon already sitting high in the sky and reflecting off a blanket of clouds. Beneath it all, he's there, sitting down and emitting moonlight more than ever. Tetsurou lets out a breath and watches his tension dissipate into the air in front of him.

"What have you done to your hair?"

Tetsurou has to catch his breath again, everything he's just released, as he faces the boy head on. Tetsurou is met with golden eyes and a beaming smile, haloed in a whirl of white. He's magic, made of magic, and as Tetsurou meets his blazing stare head on he thinks that it has never been more apparent that this is someone from his dreams. When he stands, and Tetsurou gets an eyeful of dark skin and smoothly toned muscles, something clicks that he's never even thought about before.

"You don't like it?" Tetsurou is used to pouts. Kenma pouts, all the time, barely twenty minutes ago. He must be especially vulnerable to this one. Although it's more likely to be the boy behind it making him weak.

Boy. If Tetsurou can still think that. He doesn't know if the guy ages if he grows the same way. But in the last year, this guy has grown a lot more than Tetsurou has. Grown, matured, and that's what has him starstruck.

"It's great." Tetsurou manages to choke out. "It suits you!"

The way he preens is so different to the way he pouts but Tetsurou's body registers it the same way. His heart races, his palms clam up, he's happy enough to be able to keep his mouth closed to stop from stuttering words he can't quite put to what this guy is doing to him. He bites down on his tongue especially when the cold night air strokes against his skull. "Now we just have to figure out what's wrong with your hair!" Tetsurou can't stop the shiver that races down his spine at the touch through his hair, at the ghost of breath on his face.

"There's nothing wrong with my hair!" Tetsurou counters, stepping away.

"I know," his eyes seem to spark at Tetsurou, "I actually kind of like it."

They aren't words that should make him blush, but Tetsurou feels his face heating up at the comment anyway. He tosses the ball in his hand to the air and relaxes into the distraction it brings. He jumps into the air, catching the balls against his arms as it explodes off the wall.

"I've been practicing. You won't get the ball past me ever again!" Tetsurou smirks and presses down on the hitch in his throat when he sees it mirrored on the face in front of him.

The ball gets tossed up and spiked against the wall again. Quicker than he can blink it passes over his shoulder. "You keep thinking that!"

 

 

He's seen the other boy so much that Tetsurou forgets all about the second boy he once dreamed into existence. He forgets until early in the morning as he walks back into his room to find him sitting cross-legged at the end of his bed.

"Good morning!" Tetsurou chimes upon seeing him there, still being sure to keep his voice low enough that his parents won't wake.

"Is it good? Do you really call this morning?"

The tension doesn't quite leave his shoulders, but Tetsurou does feel his lips quirk at the frown on the boys face. He also remembers now, looking at soft features and ruffled hair as the voice washes over him, more about this boy. Small details, from a moment so long ago. Tetsurou knows he needs to get him to talk.

"You didn't have to come, you know," Tetsurou says. He's long since grown out of being afraid to talk to his illusions but this time, it's the words that have him afraid. What if the boy thinks Tetsurou wants him to leave? Tetsurou doesn't want him to leave, not at all, it's not even close to what he wants. If he leaves the Tetsurou will be stuck with only his thoughts and the fear of failure until he has to leave for his exam.

"I know," the boy says, and it calms some of Tetsurou's thoughts. He doesn't have to be here, but he is. "I thought you might like some company." This time, Tetsurou really does smile. "The restlessness makes me think it was a nightmare."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say nightmare," Tetsurou carefully sits down on the bed next to the boy. Close, but not close enough to touch. "Just a bad dream."

"About today?"

"Yeah," Tetsurou sighs into the space in front of them. Tetsurou doesn't look, not directly, but he can feel the warmth on his face where the boy's eyes are focused.

"You're awake now, that must take some of the stress away."

"You would think, right?" Tetsurou forces a laugh, finally turning to face the dark eyes straight on. "Not being about to do anything but wait might be worse."

"It's only because you're scared to go back to sleep. At this rate you'll be falling asleep in the middle of your exam, that would be worse--"

"Than what? Missing it completely?"

"Yes."

"I don't really see how," Tetsurou says around a yawn, unconsciously drifting closer to the warmth resting at his side.

"f you fall asleep in the middle of the exam everybody is going to know about it." The words wash over him, Tetsurou is more focused, almost amazed, as always, in how solid the boy feels at his side. "The teachers will know about it, all your classmates will know about it." His voice rumbles and Tetsurou remembers this feeling, the warmth in his chest. He feels safe and whole. "That's if they even let you in knowing that you fell asleep in the middle of the entrance exam. If you miss it completely you have to take a different exam for a different school but at least nobody needs to know you slept through the school you actually wanted to attend."

There's something off-putting in the way Tetsurou can hear all of his worst fears in this moment brought to life outside of his own head and still feel calmer than when he'd woken up for the fourth time in the night.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have a nice voice?"

Tetsurou recognises the quiet huff of breath next to him as a laugh. "I have."

Tetsurou is the one who asked the question but he doesn't like the answer. He doesn't like the implication that other people have seen this boy, his friend while he's dreaming, Tetsurou doesn't like that other people have possibly fallen asleep to the silky tones of his voice. Tetsurou wants to be selfish, wants him to himself, even though he's not the only boy that Tetsurou has dreamed into existence.

"I don't understand it, though, it's just a voice."

"Yours is special," Tetsurou mumbles against the lap he's sunken into. "You have to at least know how magical it is. I bet you could sing and cure cancer."

"I think that's taking things a bit too far," Tetsurou feels him laugh more than he hears it. It rocks him gently, another lullaby to bring him close to where he's heading.

"Mm," Tetsurou buries his face into the space between the boys crossed legs blocking out the light, burying himself the same way he usually burrows into his pillows. "Your voice is really soothing."

That's the last Tetsurou has to say. The message has gotten through. Even better, as the voice resounds through the room and Tetsurou's very being he feels warmth part through his hair. "Don't worry," he says as if Tetsurou has any space for worrying left in his current state of comfort. "I'll make sure you wake up in time for your exam."

Just before the world fades into nothing Tetsurou hears his words proved true. That voice could cure anything, his stress is nothing to the rhythm of words.

In the morning, it doesn't feel like the fifth time Tetsurou has woken up since he first closed his eyes last night. He wakes up actually feeling awake and alert, ready not only to sit his exam but pass it and make his way into his first high school of choice.

A cool breeze moves through his open window and the voice that moves with it energises him even more for the day ahead. A squawk and a hoot filters its way through the window and Tetsurou pauses in his motions because he never once believed for one second that having them both show up in one night could ever have been considered a possibility. He sticks his head out the window chasing the noise and there he is.

"Oh good! You're awake!" His whole body shines a golden brown in the sunlight and Tetsurou half expects him to disappear into it.

He's never seen them in the daylight before. They've always disappeared before the dawn. Tetsurou thought it was because they could only exist in the twilight hours but here he is being proved wrong. He knows so very little of the beings born of his dreams.

"I'll be down in a second!" Tetsurou calls back, hoping that he will still be there when he does make it outside.

It's more like three hundred seconds, and Tetsurou knows because he feels them all as he throws himself into his school uniform and chokes down breakfast while his parents watch on in amusement. "Good luck Tetsurou," his mum wishes when his plate is clean and his dad lends support by raking his hand through Tetsurou's hair. 

He doesn't stay to talk even though it is still way earlier than he needs to leave, he just runs for the entrance, trips into his shoes, and smiles at the boy sitting on his doorstep.

"You ready to go?" Tetsurou doesn't know why he's the one asking the question when as far as he's aware he's the only one heading out to an entrance exam. Do the boys he dreams into existence also have entrance exams? Do they even go to school?

"I was born ready!" Tetsurou really couldn't have expected a different response, "and I know you're ready because Akaashi already worked his magic on you. You're golden!"

There are three things to note. One, the name. Akaashi. Even just hearing it, not with the right voice, it's just the sound of the name, and Tetsurou knows who it belongs to. The second thing, magic. He said that Akaashi - and even thinking the name makes his heart beat slow - worked his magic on him. Tetsurou doesn't necessarily mind. It's a nice kind of magic. He voice that soothes and settles, lulling Tetsurou into a sleep so deep he wouldn't even mind never waking up from it. Three is not so drastic, but the word golden halts his thoughts anyway because it doesn't make sense. Golden is not a word that suits him when it's coming from this boy. The boy with golden eyes and a light that shines and escapes his very being.

"The only thing left to do is make sure you aren't late!"

"I'm leaving two hours early, I don't think being late is going to be a problem." He isn't late, not even close.

\--but if he left at the time he originally planned he very well could have been.

They're waylaid only a few minutes from Tetsurou's home, not even halfway to the station. Tetsurou can't help it, not when he hears the high pitched whining and follows it down to the riverbank and a box of kittens protected only by a thin white towel. He wants to take them home and maybe his parents will consider letting him keep one as a congratulatory gift, but not five of them. Still, Tetsurou picks up the box which is easy with an extra pair of hands and instead of carrying it home he carries it upstream. Golden eyes and a gleaming smile insist that this is for the best.

It's a long walk, first to the tunnel where it takes a lot of convincing for Tetsurou to leave the screaming box behind. Convincing, a hand that breathes wind through his hair, a voice that doesn't soothe, but that Tetsurou trusts, that insists they will be fine. It's up to Tetsurou to carry the box the last few steps to rest it inside the tunnel where it will be safe from the wind and the rain if it decides to fall.

By the time he's encouraged back towards the path and on his way to the station the chiming clock in the distance tells him it's been over an hour since he left home. With the way the boy glows at his side Tetsurou feels like his entire morning is something he knows. That somehow, someway, perhaps with some other branch of magic, they both knew that Tetsurou would chase down the kittens. he's too thankful for still being just a little bit early to be weirded out by it.

Once at the station Tetsurou continues on his own, sent off with a pat on the back he's sure will still be there come nighttime.

He looks for the kittens on the way home, but there's not even a trace of the box left. He trusts in the boy from his dreams, trusts in his first daylight appearance, that they are safe. That someone else has found them and carried them off to their own safe and loving home.

Tetsurou is happy to find that one safe and loving home is his own. His parents welcome him home with smiles bigger than their faces and gives everything away. It doesn't give away what they're hiding, what gives it away is the high pitched whine. He recognises it. Tetsurou follows the sound once more to find a ball of fluff buried between his pillows. So similar, Tetsurou muses, to the way he burrows into them himself. They'll have to fight over this space but for something so cute Tetsurou doesn't think he'll mind sharing.

"Thank you," he whispers into his room. To the open window, to the shadows that line the wall. He doesn't know where they hide. He doesn't see them, not now, but Tetsurou takes the cool breath on his face and the warmth in his chest as thanks in return.

His pillows purr and Tetsurou hopes that it's siblings have found somewhere just as serene to reside.

 

 

Tetsurou sits on the bench, head in his hands and palms slick with what he will pass off as sweat if anyone asks. He doesn't expect anyone to ask but he likes having the words in place, just in case. He wishes he could have done more. Jumped more, blocked more, scored more. But volleyball is a team sport and Tetsurou doing more on his own doesn't necessarily mean that his team would have played more, been on the court more. He wants more time, more sets, more games. More victories under his belt to represent all the work he's put in. Instead, their once famous school played only one game. One. This isn't the _one_ he wants. He wants the one at the other end. He wants nationals, he wants to win, number one in the country. Tetsurou doesn't want to settle for less.

"You don't have to, there are still two more years to go." Tetsurou shivers as the cold settles next to him and in the next second shifts closer to it.

"There are only two more years left. The seasons will all pass just as quickly as this one."

"They won't." Tetsurou feels his heart spike just at the excitement in his voice. "They'll last longer, I know they will."

Tetsurou has to trust in the words, not only because with him the trust has never been misplaced but because he needs to. He doesn't want to feel like this again. He doesn't want to feel the way he felt on the court again. Useless, hopeless, naive for thinking his team was the best just because it had once been true. This is a new generation, he will have to ensure they become the best once more. He won't leave high school the same way he left junior high. This time, it's for real.

It is silent for a short while. Filled only with Tetsurou's attempts to calm down, but he likes the presence at his side. He doesn't have anyone else to turn to. Kenma won't sympathise, his parents have already coddled him enough, and he doesn't want to go to the team like this. Yaku will tease him, Kai will understand, but he doesn't want them to see him like this. Not when he stood in front of them, claimed nationals, but didn't even get through one game. He doesn't know how to face them. Doesn't even want to think about it. He'll leave that for Monday morning, for the new team and everything else they will have to shift around. Until the moment is upon him and there is no time left to think.

"Do you want to play?"

"Not really," he still wants to sulk for a bit, to feel sorry for himself. To escape the words _it's just a game_.

"How about a walk?" Tetsurou groans, he doesn't want to move. He wants to sit in this space where the wet air is replaced by a cool breeze and someone solid sits at his side. "Please? I'm not good at the sitting still thing and I swear it'll help."

Tetsurou looks at him, properly, for the first time since he sat down next to him. He's smiling softly, and through the gleam in his eyes, Tetsurou sees his own face reflected back at him. He only wants to help and Tetsurou doesn't want to walk back home with his face a mess. "Okay."

Tetsurou knows this walk. It's the route to school. He doesn't want to go to school but he trusts as always in the pull of his hand and the moonlight that leads him on.

He hears them before he sees them.

"You kept them?" They run out of the tunnel to greet him as if they know who he is, as if they can smell their sister on him. "I thought they were gone." A part of him is glad they are not, the rest of him laments that Princess is the lucky one. That she has a home and a bed and a family that loves her while the rest of them are still here. No box in sight, no towel, no anything.

"I'm sorry," Tetsurou says to the one brave enough to climb his shoulders while the others press against his legs. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep all of you."

"You don't need to be sorry." Tetsurou hears the music of his voice in his head, around him. "They're sick, Princess was the only one healthy enough to leave. We look after them here, so you don't need to be sorry."

Akaashi's voice makes them purr. Tetsurou's purr is the thrum in his chest. 

He sits on the ground and collects the other three in his lap. Cool air brushes his shoulder and Tetsurou watches as the kittens lean into the hand that drapes around Tetsurou's waist to sit in his lap as well.

"They like you," his voice is filled with awe and lights the space around them. Tetsurou feels the thrum of energy that comes with it. "They hate me." The light recedes but the energy stays. Almost as one, the kittens turn. They pounce, they bite, they kick. The one on Tetsurou's shoulder jumps down to join in the fun. "See!" Tetsurou has seen the pout, but now he feels it. In goosebumps, that rise along his neck.

Tetsurou huffs a laugh, which soon evolves into something full bodied and loud. He feels the pout deepen further. "They're playing with you!" He manages to wheeze out. "This isn't them hating you, this is how cats play!"

"Really?" Tetsurou feels him shift in closer. Legs enclosing him, another hand joining the mess on Tetsurou's lap. He gasps. "But it hurts!"

"Cats have claws and teeth and they like to hunt!" Tetsurou adds one of his own hands to the mix, shifting his body to lean into the weight behind him. He strokes first at a fluffy head and then a cool hand. The magic of his existence doesn't stop his skin from rising as it's grazed over with claws. Tetsurou plucks a handful of grass and smiles as the kittens chase after this new thing. "See, they're having fun."

The boy pulls his own handful of grass and dumps it in Tetsurou's hair.

"Oi!" The kittens jump and scratch at his chest, his face. The breathy laugh that fills his ears is worth it all.

 

 

Tetsurou jumps automatically when he sees the ball fly over him. It's instinct at this point. He swings his arm and the ball slams into the court. When he turns to greet the newcomer it is not who he expected it to be.

"Please don't tell me it's time to go to sleep."

Akaashi smirks and it's different seeing it under the harsh lights of the gym compared to the shadows that fill his room. "I'm not," Tetsurou notes his clothes, the same outfit that _he_ wore when Tetsurou practiced with _him_. "You're practicing spikes, I thought you might like a setter."

"You play as well?" At this point, at a point long ago, Tetsurou should really stop being surprised by them. He dreamed them up, of course, they can both play.

"Bokuto-san can be very persuasive, I didn't have much of a choice." Just like when he learned Akaashi's name, the breath of wind that follows the words let Tetsurou know who this is. Just like when he heard Akaashi's name it fits. It's like Tetsurou should have known it from the start. It's like he should have been able to figure it out a long time ago. As if his name could have been anything else. Bokuto.

"Do you two play together a lot?"

Akaashi tosses a ball into the air in lieu of an answer and Tetsurou jumps to hit it over the net. "Not often, there are difficulties. We simply do what we can."

Tetsurou doesn't know what to make of the words, he stores them to ponder over later. For now, he has Akaashi to set for him.

Bokuto, when he came, only played for that one week - to be fair Tetsurou was only ever away for one week. But Akaashi is there for the weekend, for the next full week, for another couple of weekends. He always shops up half an hour into Tetsurou's free practice and disappears sometime before one of the managers comes to tell him that dinner is ready. Tetsurou isn't sure how he knows when to leave. Sometimes he isn't even sure when Akaashi leaves. The manager will show up and Tetsurou will look for Akaashi only to suddenly recall that he's been bouncing the ball by himself for a time... Does Akaashi leave when he determines Tetsurou no longer needs him, or it is that he disappears once Tetsurou forgets about him? He hopes it's not the latter, it seems rude of him.

In his second year, Akaashi shows up again.

Tetsurou likes playing with him, likes him. But there's a big difference between Akaashi's silent intensity and Bokuto's playfulness. He likes playing with Akaashi but it's been so long and he misses Bokuto.

Akaashi shoots him a look and Tetsurou freezes in place because he's said the last part out loud. He doesn't want Akaashi to hate him. 

Akaashi tosses the ball up, not towards Tetsurou, and spikes it himself. Tetsurou drops to the floor, falling to his knees, and the ball whizzes past him and straight through the open door. 

Akaashi looks at him quizzically, half a smile forming in his eyes. "Why did you do that?" He tilts his head to the left, causing his to hair shift and the light to hit Akaashi's eyes just enough for Tetsurou to see them light up in laughter. "I wasn't aiming for you."

Tetsurou doesn't know what to make of that. He doesn't want to admit that he thought he had pissed Akaashi off by wanting Bokuto's presence when Akaashi has already appeared for him.

Because he doesn't know what to say he turns back to the open doorway, he needs to chase after the ball. He stands quickly, but at the door, he has to drop to the floor once more as the ball rockets past his face again. 

"You didn't even attempt to block it! You're getting slow in your old age!"

"Bokuto-san, you are older than him."

"I am? It must be my experience then that has you beat!"

Akaashi says something again to retort but Tetsurou is tuned out. Eyes too busy focusing on the boy standing outside the door, glowing under the setting sun and his own brand of magic. Tetsurou hasn't seen him in over a year and it has been a good year for him. Darker skin, whiter hair, bigger smile.

"Bokuto," it comes out like a sigh. Wistful and longing. It stops the bickering that has been going on around him. It pulls Bokuto's attention to him. All of it, and Tetsurou shivers under his gaze.

"Hey, hey, hey! You called!"

"I did?" Tetsurou didn't know he could call him, call them. He doesn't know how he's done it. He needs to know, to learn, to try again.

"You said you missed me!"

Tetsurou did say that. Is that the key? Is that what he needs to say? Not all the time, he likes having them here, he likes their presence, the energy that they bring and the moods they set but he doesn't want to take advantage. Half the charm is not knowing when they'll come. He doesn't want to get greedy. Because it would be so easy, it could be so easy to devote his time to the both of them. To only them. To bask in his dream and the fantasies he's created.

He can't lose his life to dreams.

Dreams, plural.

They're both here.

He doesn't have to choose, not one or the other. The proof is in front of his eyes. One in front and one behind. His dreams existing together.

 

 

Tetsurou lags behind his team, taking his eyes away just for a second from where he leads Kenma through the crowd. His breath stutters and he watches it float through the air in front of him, disappearing into the mist that hangs over the shrine. As captain, he shouldn't fall behind. He shouldn't ditch them. He shouldn't push Kenma towards Yaku to take over with guiding him. He shouldn't but he does.

He's drawn to the edge of the grounds and away from the celebrations. He doesn't stop. He chases the wind, follows the line of stars, and finds the moon shining further up the hill.

It's quiet, serene, and then Bokuto opens his mouth.

"Hey, hey!" He beams at Tetsurou and the silence doesn't matter. "I saw you with your friends so I didn't think you would come to see me."

"I didn't come for you," Tetsurou teases. "I came for the best view," it's meant only to tease, but the light surrounding Bokuto dims so Tetsurou backtracks immediately. "The festival is nothing compared to seeing you, compared to getting to spend time with you." The transformation is slow as Tetsurou watches the light hill his surroundings once more. Tetsurou smiles at the change and sits down next to him. 

He shivers, "I forget how cold you are."

The words aren't said as a deterrent just as a statement of fact. Definitely not an invitation but shivers erupt once more as that is how the words are received. Bokuto shifts closer, bumping up against Tetsurou's shoulder and laughing each time Tetsurou's body wracks with shivers. 

"It's not funny, Bokuto. The night is already cold and now  you're here too!"

"Oh shit! Am I actually cold?" Bokuto moves away. Tetsurou can still feel him close, but Bokuto is far enough away that his jacket actually seems to be working again. Tetsurou burrows his face into the neck and lifts his scarf up to cover him further.

"You're the kind of cold that's nice in summer, but really not nice in the middle of winter."

"I'm sorry," Bokuto says, scooting further away. Tetsurou can feel the distance growing between them. He doesn't like it. 

"Don't be sorry, get back here!" Tetsurou has to reach out to tug the blizzard back towards him. "I still want to be with you."

That's all it takes for Bokuto to sit back down. Knees knocking, shoulders pressing together. Tetsurou shakes with shivers and he pretends that the shake of Bokuto's body is for the same reason. The good part about the way both of them shake together is how much it warms him up. The air is biting, it seeps through his clothes, it wraps around his hands, it burrows into his chest, tickling against his face. It doesn't matter as much when his soul in warm, when the image of Bokuto curling up against him is his alone to witness. When looking down at the far off lights of the celebration is theirs to share.

"Do you come here often?" Tetsurou cringes at how it sounds. It's the one chuckle of Bokuto's that he lets through. "Like have you ever watched me down there before?"

"I've come here every year since I met you!"

"How many years is that?"

Bokuto takes his hand back to count on his fingers. Tetsurou takes the opportunity to flex his fingers, blood rushes through and pins and needles chase away the cold.

"It's been ten years!" Bokuto bounces in place, a giant smile taking over his face. It makes Tetsurou happy too. They haven't even been ten consecutive years. There were multiple years between his first and second meeting. Tetsurou doesn't point this out to Bokuto. Bokuto seems happy, exuberant. His glow extends from his body and Tetsurou doesn't want to be responsible for ruining it. "Happy anniversary!" He cheers, pulling Tetsurou in by his cheeks Bokuto plants a loud kiss on Tetsurou's mouth before pulling away quickly. "Time flies, right!" Bokuto stops bouncing, takes his hands down from Tetsurou's face and uses one to pick up Tetsurou's hand again. 

He settles in close, head on Tetsurou's shoulder, "I think the fireworks are going to start soon."

Tetsurou has to force his attention away from the boy at his side. From ten years since their first meeting. From an anniversary and--

Tetsurou has to force his attention away from the cool weight of Bokuto pressed into his side. It's easier now to ignore the cold because he feels like his face is on fire and his chest is burning. When he can put all of it behind him Tetsurou finds that he can hear the bells chiming and the distant shout from a crowd of people counting down with it.

The fireworks explode over the festival. Colours painting the sky across from where they sit. "This is beautiful," Tetsurou feels the thought come out with his breath, feels Bokuto press closer after the words.

"This is one of my favourite places in the world. Just for this moment."

"Do I get to see the others?" Tetsurou asks.

Bokuto's smile is smaller, softer, considering. Tetsurou has the brief thought that his other favourite places might be elsewhere, in another world. Some place he still has to dream up for them to go.

"Maybe."

 

 

Tetsurou averts his gaze constantly. He's pretty sure that he's the only one who can see him sitting there but he doesn't want his team to think he's crazy for continuously turning his head to where Akaashi sits on the stage watching them. Tetsurou is aware of Akaashi's eyes on him the entire time they practice and he feels like he should be doing more. But it's only day one, year three, and he has to figure out how to use the new first years he's been gifted.

It's just his luck that the giant first year joining his team has never played before, but the other two at least have some experience. As the session draws to a close he can already fit them into the family which is good considering that Tetsurou will need one of them to join the roster immediately.

As practice comes to an end they all listen to what the coaches have to say and then Tetsurou ushers them all to the clubroom to head home. He has to chase Kai and Yaku away from wanting to clean up and makes a note that they will need to meet up tomorrow to plan a rotation for packing things up in the future. Finally then, he has the space to himself. Before he deigns to actually do anything cleaning up himself Tetsurou throws himself onto the stage next to Akaashi. "Did you have fun?"

Tetsurou notices that Akaashi has a notebook in his lap. He fingers through the pages and finds diagrams, notes, something that looks like a very detailed drawing of himself jumping for a block--

The book gets slammed shut over his fingers.

"It was interesting," Akaashi says slowly, peeling the book off of Tetsurou's fingers. "Your team looks good this year."

"What it looks like is a mess," Tetsurou replies, voice going soft as Akaashi rubs at the red marks on his fingers left from the book.

"You're being too harsh on them. It's only the first day." Akaashi's delicate massage moves from his fingers to his palm and up to his wrist. "In no time at all, they'll be amazing."

Akaashi doesn't quite have the conviction that Bokuto manages to exude with his every word but Tetsurou still manages to find himself believing in Akaashi's words.

He takes a deep breath, "We'll have to practice a lot to whip them all into shape." Akaashi nods his head. With another deep breath, Tetsurou sinks down to lean his weight fully against Akaashi, only leaving him space to continue massaging up his arm. "It's the last time for me to get the team back to where it used to be."

"I think you can do it."

Akaashi pulls his hands back, ending the massage and opening up his notebook. He takes care to keep it a good distance from Tetsurou's curious hands, which is a good move. Tetsurou isn't above getting his fingers caught again just for a chance at another massage. "Your first years have good reflexes and are willing to learn." Akaashi taps at a page covered with tidy writing. "Although their skills have a long way to go to catch up to the rest of the team." He turns the page before Tetsurou can get a good eye on what else is written. "The second years seem to have really settled in since the last time I saw them." Tetsurou doesn't even know when this last time was. Is this not Akaashi's first time watching them practice? "Your ace seems dependable, and with the three of you leading them all I think you'll be great."

Akaashi closes the book with a snap and turns his face to fix Tetsurou with a stare. "You keep talking about the team but you seem to be passing over just how much pull you have on the team. If you lead well, they'll follow your example."

Tetsurou burrows his face into Akaashi's shoulder, hiding the flush that he can feel down to his chest. He rests only a moment before pushing himself away. He can drown in Akaashi's deep voice and sweet praises another time, he still needs to clear up the gym. "Thank you," he says, and Akaashi smiles softly in response.

Tetsurou pushes himself from the stage and clears up the gym by himself. First stacking away the balls, folding the net away, carrying away the poles, and finally sweeping the floor. It's a lot of work for one person and he really should have had the whole team work together to clear up the first session. Instead, Tetsurou will just have to stay back the rest of the week to go through showing the first years what to do. Others can show them but Tetsurou wants the opportunity to get to know them outside of the court. Well, outside of playing on the court at least.

Akaashi is gone by the time everything is finally cleared away. It's a little bit of a shame, Tetsurou would have liked to spend more time with him but this is how it seems destined to be. He will always be left wanting more.

Kenma is still in the clubroom when he gets there, tapping away on his phone in the corner. Tetsurou didn't really expect to see him but it also makes sense. Why would Kenma make his way home without him?

"Did you have fun?"

Tetsurou huffs a sigh as he bends down to switch out his shoes. "What's fun about cleaning up the gym by myself? It was a chore!" He chuckles to himself while Kenma spares a look from his screen to glare at him. It only makes the situation funnier to Tetsurou. "I won't be doing that again soon, it was a mistake."

Kenma pulls his phone away from his face just far enough to see the shapes around him. Tetsurou waits for him to leave the room before following and locking the door behind them. 

"Other people would have helped. Yaku and Kai said that you kicked them out."

Tetsurou did do that, but he can't really tell anyone the reason why.

 

 

Tetsurou doesn't lift his head from his pillows. He feels the dip of his bed and burrows further into the dark. He doesn't know who it is. Last time it was Bokuto, but it really doesn't matter who it is, Tetsurou doesn't want to talk to anyone. All his hopes and dreams have been crushed to dust and he doesn't want to deal with actually having to acknowledge it. It's his first year all over again, it's the feelings he promised himself he never wanted to feel again. His luck would have him pulling out his team to play against the best team in the competition first. It wasn't even a game, it was a disaster. Tetsurou left to watch as his team succumbed to the pressure of a much better team. They were so good, they had trained so hard, all to come unravelling in the first game. Tetsurou is sure that had it been any other team they could have gone so much further.

A heavy weight settles into the small of Tetsurou's back, he wants to swat it off, but then it purrs. He doesn't want to disturb princess when she's happy, it would be murder if the both of them were left to his room angry and sad and filled with frustration. She purrs loud and hard and it's another moment before Tetsurou remembers that he's not the only one in his room, or even on his bed.

Not Bokuto then, the weight at the end of his bed has been silent and still and the warm summer air hasn't eased up any. Tetsurou doesn't want Akaashi to help him, to heal him. This is his own pain to deal with on his own. His own failure. He's tried his best, led the team the best way he knows how to, but it still wasn't enough. Nowhere near enough.

Just once he wanted to make it to nationals. To prove that he can, to take his coach back there at least once more before retirement. Was it all too much to ask for? Clearly, yes. If only he could dream going to that place into existence. But dreams and real life are different, no matter how much the weight on his bed blends the two together. Blurring the lines and his thoughts and confusing him just a little more everytime it appears. They appear.

Why him? Why them? Why anything?

If they can predict him finding Princess outside on the way to an exam could they not at least predict the outcome of a game? Tell him where to stand and where to hit and how to lead?

No, Tetsurou doesn't want to win that way. They've played and practiced with him on and off for six years. They have been what kept his hopes and dreams alive when nobody else was motivated to put in extra work.

This is all on him. 

His leading of his team. Leading them straight to their loss. He should have pushed them harder, kept them longer, watched for videos, found more strategies. It's his leading that lost them everything. They could have done better with Kai as a captain or if the rules didn't stop Yaku from leading them all from the back. The team could have been more united, more focused. They were less likely to lead the team astray.

"You know that's not true."

Tetsurou takes two deep breaths. He's done his best, he's done all he can. It wasn't good enough, but his best now still has room to grow into better. He doesn't have to stop. He doesn't have to give up. If there's still one more chance then he has to take it. Just once. He only needs to stand on the orange court once in his life.

His parents might not support the idea. They'll want to make sure his grades stay high, to know he's preparing for exams. His parents will also want him to be happy. Tetsurou doesn't think he could happily complete high school if he doesn't give himself at least one more chance. If it falls apart once more then he'll leave it. Destiny will finally have let its words be heard and Tetsurou will consider them. He'll step down and pass the team on. But what if--

What if one more chance is all he needs, all the team needs?

Three months, that's all it will be. Win or lose Tetsurou has three months. In three months already this year, his team has come together. In another three months, they'll be something else entirely. Bigger, better, stronger. They've all tasted this defeat and Tetsurou doesn't think he's alone in not wanting to savour it again.

 

 

Tetsurou sits in the too hot classroom in his summer uniform that is still too heavy. His feet tap against the floor and his pen taps against his notebook and his eyes follow the second hand of the clock at the front of the room. There are only five other people in the room with him and Tetsurou is sure that the teacher only counts five people in the room at all. Still, he's antsy to be sat still. The air is heavy, the room is heavy, and Tetsurou can't wait for the final bell to chime so that he can shed his uniform for something lighter.

He wants the sweat dripping down his neck to be his own doing. He wants muscles clenching, pulling, soaring. He doesn't want to be trapped in the classroom when there are only two months left until his last chance.

But this is the agreement.

Summer courses, cram school. Anything and everything to make sure that he's on track to get into university. His parents telling him that he can't rely on a recommendation that might not come and Tetsurou doesn't know how to tell them that a recommendation was something that wasn't even on his mind. Volleyball is just something to do, it's fun and it's hard and he hates it but he loves it with his entire being. 

At lunch time, Akaashi joins him at his desk, moving from the back of the classroom and Tetsurou so wants to talk to him, wants his voice to soothe his restlessness, but he knows the other people in the classroom with him and he is not quite ready to out himself in front of them all. Tetsurou settles for scribbles on paper and takes a quiet pleasure in the groan of someone behind him, hating on Tetsurou for studying even in breaks.

If only they knew.

An address printed at the corner of Tetsurou's page. 

A question, no answer, just insistence.

In the afternoon, Tetsurou asks a question he's never considered before. "Do you toss a coin to decide who comes or is it just random?" Akaashi raises an eyebrow at him, but his face otherwise remains impassive. "I mean both of you have played volleyball with me before, but when I'm studying it only ever seems to be you. Did you pull the short string or are you just unlucky?"

"I don't consider myself to be unlucky Kuroo-san, but if Bokuto-san came to help you study I can assure you that you will be the one feeling unlucky."

"So you choose based on what's best for me?"

"There is some aspect of that to it, but it also depends on where you are."

Tetsurou pauses the conversation as they leave the corridors of the school. Akaashi doesn't come with him to the gym where the rest of his team is already mid warm up and ready for practice. Tetsurou races through getting changed and joining them and doesn't see Akaashi again until the floors have been wiped clean and everyone has headed home again.

Tetsurou isn't going to go home yet, he can't. He has to put his everything into practice for the next two months. Akaashi isn't the same as Kenma, they don't toss the same, but that's what makes it better. Akaashi knows him in an intimate way that Tetsurou doesn't even understand, but Kenma has grown with him for years, he's observant and he can read Tetsurou's movements better than anyone. It's easy. If Tetsurou can match up with Akaashi, practice different approaches, different positions, different attacks, then doing the same thing with Kenma will be easy.

In a way, he is using Akaashi but Tetsurou is pretty sure he knows this. He's pretty sure Akaashi doesn't care. He never confirmed it, too stuck in his head, but Akaashi and Bokuto have now seen him stew in his losses and just as much as Tetsurou doesn't want to experience them again, they don't want to either. If it was Akaashi, if it wasn't just Tetsurou projecting his imagination even further, he appreciates the quiet of the Saturday night after his world fell apart.

He appreciates now, the quiet of the gym filled only with the squeak of his sneakers and the slap of the fall. Tetsurou can focus and think and project his own images of who the other team is, where they are and how they're playing and how he can win against them.

Back at home, he sits with videos open on his phone, running through game after game. Professional, amateur, university, high school, everything he can. He wants to see as much as he can, learn as much as he can, and every time he hears footsteps outside his doorway he puts his phone down to drag papers and notebooks across the desk towards him.

It's all studying, but Tetsurou isn't stupid enough to believe his parents will see it his way. He knows what they want and he will live up to their expectations and he will make his way to nationals at the same time.

 

 

It's two weeks before Tetsurou remembers the address printed in his notebook. It's another few days before the days become too hot for his team to even think about practicing and his parents agree that it's too hot for him to focus properly. It's a win he wouldn't usually consider a win, but it's a win that lets Tetsurou search the address up online. At which point Tetsurou is more than a little curious as to why Akaashi wants him to visit a pool on the outskirts of the city.

He wonders if Akaashi will even be there, but Tetsurou recalls one of their recent conversations and knows that by him being there, Akaashi will be there. Tetsurou wonders if he knew that it would take Tetsurou until now to get there. If Akaashi could predict the hottest day of summer. If that's the case maybe this is something to keep him sane, to keep him from overheating. Maybe a trip to the pool means nothing more than that. Is it like going out with friends? He doesn't consider Akaashi a friend, the word seems inadequate to describe him. But maybe this is all it is.

Tetsurou shows up to the pool alone in the middle of the afternoon which is probably a big mistake. The area is crowded. Families and teenagers and other crowds of people all fighting the heat with the promise of cool water.

Maybe this is a mistake, maybe he is mistaken. Maybe this isn't some form of a meetup. Maybe this is just to cool off.

He's disappointed. Tetsurou doesn't see the point in pretending otherwise when nearly everyone else is scattered around the pools of water in groups, when he's surrounded by shouts and screams and shared meals spread on picnic blankets and he's sat on a lone towel between all the chaos. He was hoping for something more, something exciting. A day out with people who seem to come only when he's down, when he's sad, when he needs cheering up or encouragement or even just someone to lean on in a way where he doesn't have to appear weak.

The invitation almost made it seem like Tetsurou was wanted by Akaashi, as much as Tetsurou always wants him. He has the thought, he's had the thought, he pushes it away.

After an hour of sitting around, people watching and burning under the sun Tetsurou decides that he might as well go in the pool. It's clustered and crowded and it doesn't look like any fun at all but at the very least it will cool him down. It might give him an idea of what he was brought here for, it might help decide to cut his losses and just go home. There's a spot directly under the air conditioner that has his name on it.

Tetsurou sinks into the water and his eyes roam, almost closing in the brief respite it brings from the heat.

He almost closes his eyes. He's glad he didn't. If Tetsurou closed his eyes to embrace the feeling and the moment he might have missed the shock of hair which belongs to only one person that he knows of. Bokuto might be the only person with hair like that in the entire world. Maybe not, but Tetsurou would be able to pick him out of a crowd easily. He just has.

Tetsurou doesn't call out his name too aware that other people can't see Bokuto. He doesn't take into account at all the fact that there are so many people that his shout of a name will go unnoticed. Tetsurou chases after Bokuto, through the pool and out the pool and through another pool and yes, he could walk around but his feet are bare and the concrete burns. His blistering feet say he should go back for his towel and his shoes but the rest of him says that he will lose Bokuto if he does that. Lose him, but at least Tetsurou knows now that he's here.

A message not from Akaashi but from Bokuto.

Didn't Tetsurou call him once? Tetsurou wishes he could have simply done so again because this whole finding him at the pool thing was a bit ridiculous.

Tetsurou leaves his search to protect his feet because it's starting to hurt just to walk. At his lonely towel in a sea of people, Tetsurou rubs suncream into his feet to soothe the burn. If they still hurt a the end of the day he will need to find something else to do about them. Tetsurou slips on his shoes, shrugs his shirt over his shoulders and slings his backpack on.

Now the real search begins.

Now that Tetsurou knows what he's looking for he thinks it'll be easy. Bokuto is usually easy to find. He glows, he shines, he burns, but he's lost here in a crowd where the sun beams and reflects and there's too much for his eyes to focus on.

Tetsurou doesn't panic at his new challenge. It makes things easier. It makes his thoughts settle that to at least somewhat know what he's here for now.

He's melting in the heat but that's fine because Bokuto is here and when Tetsurou finds him the heat won't matter anymore. Tetsurou can bury himself in Bokuto and the aura he emits and everything will be fine. He has this to look forward to. He has this to hold onto as he pushes through the throng of people. Through sweat and heat and too many people in not enough space. He pushes through.

Tetsurou stops searching for a few moments to indulge in a cold drink from the outdoor cafe. It turns out the decision is to his advantage. Bokuto shows up, bringing with him the fresh air that Tetsurou has been craving since first catching sight of Bokuto in the crowd. Bokuto sucks down the rest of Tetsurou's drink, it seems a fair trade for the air he brings so Tetsurou doesn't complain.

They sit there talking through the afternoon and Tetsurou forgets about how silly he must look. They sit through families leaving and groups pack up. They sit through the pool emptying out of the giant crowd of people. It's almost eerie the difference a few hours makes.

In the later hours of the night, Tetsurou lets Bokuto drag him around with a pounding heart. He lets himself get pushed up against walls and trees and the fence that lines the complex. His heart races and his breath catches. His thoughts pull down to the hand that sits in the centre of his chest, and to Bokuto, standing too close in so much space but not minding at all. Not when the shine of Bokuto's smile is wide enough to be all he can see. 

If this is all he's here for Tetsurou is not going to complain.

 

 

It's not even a surprise that Tetsurou comes home to find Akaashi sitting on his bed and Princess purring contentedly in his lap. Without saying anything Akaashi somehow makes it clear to Tetsurou what it is that he wants.

Tetsurou washes and bathes and on the way back to his room finds a sealed bag in the medicine cabinet. He doesn't open the bag but he does open his phone when he steps back into his room to snap a picture of Akaashi leaning against the wall with closed eyes and Princess draped halfway up his chest even though Akaashi is not reclined at all. He opens his eyes at the sound of the shutter and glares. It's not very effective, it's too soft, he looks too soft. Soft eyes, soft hair, soft face, Tetsurou's soft cat stretching up the length of his body and Akaashi sitting still so as not to disturb her. 

"You look cute," Tetsurou teases, taking another photo of the way Akaashi crinkles his nose at the words.

"Well, you're not," Akaashi bites back, "you're just wet."

Tetsurou smiles, sinking down next to Akaashi on the bed. Resting his wet hair against Akaashi's shoulder Tetsurou smiles harder at the exaggerated sigh Akaashi lets out. It rouses Princess and she moves from Akaashi's chest to bury herself in Tetsurou's pillows. It's a shame. It means Tetsurou won't be sleeping as soundly as usual tonight.

Then again, Akaashi's here. So he might get to sleep just fine after all.

Tetsurou pulls himself off of Akaashi when he shifts and feels a little bit bad for the giant wet patch that is left behind. Akaashi sits up on his knees and takes the bag out of Tetsurou's hold. "Bokuto-san was upset that you couldn't play with him, he was looking forward to it."

"I am too now," Tetsurou says, glaring down at his traitorous feet, "will he be there another time?"

Akaashi actually vocalises a laugh and Tetsurou watches his face with wonder. "This is Bokuto-san we're talking about. As long as you're there and wanting to play he will be there." Akaashi tugs at Tetsurou's calf and Tetsurou collapses onto his stomach, his traitorous feet left sitting in Akaashi's lap. His breath stutters with how easily Akaashi was able to manoeuvre him. "As long as you look after yourself, that is."

Face down as he is Tetsurou can't see Akaashi's face, but with his reprimanding tone, Tetsurou doesn't want to see it. He doesn't want to see Akaashi disappointed in him.

"It's nothing you can't fix, though, right!" Bokuto was the first one to suggest Akaashi's magic healing powers.

"I'm not fixing it," Akaashi has denied his ability to heal in every instance that it's brought up. "I can only help. Don't go injuring yourself too much or there'll be nothing anyone can do to help."

"Not even you?"

"Not even me," Akaashi states and Tetsurou hates himself just a little but for chasing after Bokuto on hot pavement with bare feet. "You let him talk at you too much, but I can't work miracles."

"I'm sorry," Akaashi's voice is too low and too sad to be talking about him. "I wasn't thinking earlier, but I'll be more careful from now on."

"Thank you," with such emotion in Akaashi's voice Tetsurou has to keep his promise. "Thank you," Akaashi repeats, and finally, Tetsurou hears him open the bag of medicine. "This is going to be cold," he warns, his hands alighting without leaving any time for Tetsurou to prepare for his touch.

Cold is an understatement.

It's to treat his burns, of course, it will be cold. He's just come from the bath, of course, it will be cold. The summer heat still permeates his room, of course, it will be cold. It's being administered by Akaashi's hands, of course, it will be cold. It's all of these factors together on the sole of his foot, of course, it is going to be cold. A shiver runs through his entire body, hard enough that it makes Akaashi laugh bodily enough that Tetsurou can feel it beneath his legs.

The consolation comes after Akaashi finishes rubbing the cream into his feet when he uses his slicked up hands to massage his way up Tetsurou's legs. It's warm, it's nice, and Tetsurou feels himself sinking into the bed. He folds his face into his arms and feels sleep pulling him under even though Princess occupies his favourite spot.

"You haven't even dried your hair yet, Kuroo-san." Tetsurou hates this feeling. The hands that had soothed him to sleep reaching out and rousing him from it just as well. "First, it's your feet and now you're trying to get sick."

"That an old folk tale Akaashi, it's not real!" Tetsurou reaches for his towel anyway.

"What am I doing here if you don't believe in folk tales?"

Tetsurou pauses in drying his hair to peek out at Akaashi. At sparkling green eyes, at inky black hair, at pale skin, at his serious face. There is nothing to give away how much truth is in his words or whether or not he expects Tetsurou to believe in. 

Tetsurou doesn't have an answer no matter what it is that Akaashi means. It's not hard to picture Akaashi crawling out from some ancient legend but it is a different thing entirely to believe the same of Bokuto.

"I don't know," Tetsurou answers honestly, "but I'm glad you're here."

Akaashi takes over patting down Tetsurou's hair and when it feels dry enough Tetsurou pulls the towel away and catches Akaashi's hands in his. He presses them between both of his own, seeking warmth and comfort and hoping that Akaashi is happy to be here with him too.

 

 

It's a pattern that continues for the rest of the break, only better. Tetsurou sits in class with Akaashi behind him, sharing lunches and notes and, oh boy, does the boy like to eat. Tetsurou has to ask his mum to make more and more food and she happily does so. It's a sign of him working hard.

Tetsurou still feels antsy as he sits through his classes. Too still. Too hot. Too little movement. Too many clothes. The only thing that makes it easier is knowing his day will get better and better once classes are over.

Practice starts slow. Naoi leads them through drills and techniques under Nekomata's watchful eye before he takes over in running them through plays. As more days pass Tetsurou feels like their actions become smoother, their plays seem more natural. Instinct drives them to chase after the ball, and they chase and they chase and they chase. They are all pushed and worked so much harder and Tetsurou is proud of them all for rising to the challenge, for never giving up and never giving in. Instead, their mood rises with each challenge they overcome. Confidence fills them to the brim and Tetsurou too, feels like they are ready for the matches ahead.

The entire team bands together to clean the gym and stop by the convenience store on the way to the station before finally heading home.

Home, where Tetsurou stays for a meal and declares that he's going over to Kenma's house to study. What his parents don't know can't hurt them, he's not doing anything dangerous.

Just potentially, maybe, actually, questionably legal.

Just breaking into a pool to use the beach volleyball court.

Just breaking in with a friend, with someone who is potentially more.

Just breaking in with someone who won't get caught if they get caught. 

If they get caught there is only Tetsurou to vouch for himself. It's terrifying, it's exciting. It makes it less of a game and more real every time Bokuto presses him up against something to hide from people walking by. It makes adrenaline flood his veins every time Tetsurou is the one to notice people first, pressing back against Bokuto, leaning into him, towering over him with the little advantage he has.

It's exciting, it's invigorating, it's intoxicating. It might just be the effect of standing so close to Bokuto.

Tetsurou's legs ache on his way home. Sore from running and jumping and diving into the sand as he chased down all of Bokuto's spikes. His hands burn and his arms sting from every successful block he's made against Bokuto's powerful spikes. It's painful. It's delightful. It helps Tetsurou to feel that he is doing all he can to improve. He doesn't know if Bokuto has the strongest spikes in the world, but they're the best he's been able to see in real life. If Tetsurou can beat Bokuto then Tetsurou is pretty confident that he will have most people beat so long as he can keep his mind sharp

Akaashi helps him keep his mind sharp.

Bokuto walks him all the way home. To stretch his muscles out and to cool them down. To make it look a lot less like he's been running around playing volleyball for two hours and help make it look a lot more like he's been studying for two hours.

Tetsurou washes and bathes and dries his hair in his room under Akaashi's watchful gaze and to the tune of Princess purring in his lap. She never purrs so hard for Tetsurou as she does under Akaashi's careful ministration.

The rule is that he has to study and it's easy knowing that Akaashi sits in class with him, knowing that if he's stuck then Akaashi is there to help him. Not directly, but with words and conversation and a gentle press of the concept into Tetsurou's grasp. It's nice. It's a shame that Akaashi is his alone because Tetsurou is sure that his parents would love him. A boy who is quiet and polite and smart and sarcastic and Tetsurou likes him a hell of a lot as well.

He works and he studies and he fills out his notebook and when the clock ticks closer to midnight and as his eyes feel heavier and heavier Tetsurou curls up on his bed. Not in his pillows which Princess adores, but on top of the covers to the side of his bed and Akaashi will send him into a sleep that heals his aches and pains and the fatigue that lines his muscles.

On a day where luck in on his side. When he's checked his items and colours and managed to happen upon them Akaashi might curl up next to him. A hand left waiting between them that Tetsurou has not yet braved himself to hold.

The luckiest day of all is the last of the break where Tetsurou wakes to Akaashi still sleeping atop his covers. Princess stretches between the pillows and her tail draped through Akaashi's hair. She is the real lucky one. The best of both worlds.

 

 

The finals take place on his birthday. It's a sign. A stroke of luck. Of chance. Of fate. Destiny. It's the world telling him that this is his day, this is the time for him to make things happen. His team doesn't win the first ticket but Tetsurou would like to thank the city of Tokyo for handing his team it's ticket. 

 

 

This time, as he walks with his team to the shrine Tetsurou makes sure to keep everyone in line. He pulls Kenma in every time he's in danger of crashing, he reigns Lev in every time he's distracted by a still, he would be fine leaving Yamamoto to do as he likes but Tetsurou really wants them to hang up their prayers together as a team. He's not going to tell them what to say, but he hopes they all know what to wish for. He certainly knows what he wants.

He wants to wish for victory. They don't need to win the whole thing, Tetsurou probably won't mind if they lose their first game but he will be more than ecstatic if they can win. He'll be proud of the team no matter how far they come, but the further they go the more Tetsurou feels like he can thank the team, their coach, for helping to build them all back up from nothing.

Tetsurou tosses more than he needs to as a donation. He prints his wishes on the wood as nicely as he can. He wants them to play their best and has fun. He's not going to wish for victory. All he wants is for the team to do well, play hard, and leave with no regrets. No matter when they leave this tournament Tetsurou will be happy. He will be proud. He will have fulfilled six years of dreaming of the national stage and finally he is going to play there.

In addition to praying Tetsurou leads the team up to buy charms and to get their fortunes for the new year. When every single one of them has gone through Tetsurou finally sets them free to run through the rest of the celebrations however they want.

Tetsurou frees himself up to by all the charms he can that he think will help. He has never believed in them that much but Akaashi's words have been burning in his brain and it makes him believe in something. Whether that be the charms or the fortune he stands up to buy afterwards is for someone else to know. Tetsurou will do what he can, and the rest is for the world to decide. 

Or perhaps it's for a delicate shrine maiden to decide. One who sells Tetsurou a fortune with a sparkle in too green eyes and a smile that could make Tetsurou excited for the end of the world. 

Future blessing.

His hard work will pay off. He will be free from illness. He will do well in school. The object of his affections will be drawn to him.

Tetsurou doesn't know about the last one. His affection is drawn to them. To both of them. His attention is drawn to the light on the hill and the shrine maiden in front of him with a face that is just a little bit too sharp. "Many blessing for you, for the coming year," Tetsurou is told, in that melodious voice. Lips alight on his own, light and sure and soft like falling snow, but the aftertaste burns through his body. "For luck," he is told with a smile that is too sultry for the crowd they are in.

Tetsurou looks around because that was in front of everyone, but nobody is looking his way, nobody has seen.

"You forget," he is told, "this is ten years for me, and it brings a good year forth for you, but still you forget." Tetsurou blinks and the maiden is gone. The paper is still held tightly in his hand and is the only sign that someone was ever there. Someone else in the stall asks if he wants a fortune, Tetsurou holds out the words in his hand and they smile and send him on his way. There's a line forming behind him, and another to the side where people are tying their fortunes up. Tetsurou thinks that just this once, even if his fortune was bad he would have kept it.

A memory of something he might never get again.

 

 

Tetsurou can't sleep again. He can only think that this time it really is his fault because he'd been thinking about it too hard before he went to bed. He can't say before he went to sleep because Tetsurou is one hundred percent sure that he has not actually slept. 

Light creeps through the window far sooner than Tetsurou is appreciative of. It wakes Princess, who starts meowing incessantly for her breakfast. 

And so Tetsurou's day of terror begins.

His eyes are dry, his body is heavy. He can't even taste the food his mum had prepared for breakfast. Tetsurou eats mechanically, glad to have eighteen years of eating experience to keep him from making a mess of the table. Still, his parents can tell that he's struggling. Tetsurou appreciates this showing of care but for the moment he wishes he couldn't see his own anxiety reflected back on their faces.

"You'll do fine," his mum insists.

"You're ready," his dad agrees.

Tetsurou doesn't agree with either of them. He feels faint even though he's just eaten. He moves to stand on shaky legs and almost falls back into the table. He catches himself on the back of his chair and his parents immediately catch onto the state he's really in. It's not a good one.

"I was going to save this for later but maybe you should have it now," his mum bustles around in the kitchen and brings Tetsurou out something bright and pink and covered in ribbons. It's an embarrassing sight, usually something she packs into his bag so that he has to deal with half the people he knows fuming with jealousy over his gift and the other half laughing because they know who it's from.

"It's not even eight yet!"

"I know, but it seems like you could do with a sugar hit. Are you going to be okay today? Do you want me to drive you? Do you want me to stay?" No, Tetsurou doesn't want his mother to hold his hand. He'll make it through the day somehow.

"I'll be fine, I just didn't sleep very well last night." Or sleep at all. He can't say that or his mum really will carry him into the hall. "I'll be fine once I've had some time to wake up properly." He hopes. Oh, man, does he hope.

He takes the chocolate as a show of good will. It's delicious and just the wrong side of nutritious but at the moment that's fine. At the moment, he just wants anything that will give him the energy to make it through the day. He doesn't need to get through the whole day, if he can make it to lunch then in the break he can regroup and energise himself again.

In the end, he takes his dad up on the offer of a ride. His dad won't hold his hand all the way. He'll drop him off with a smile and good wishes and a charm and a lucky pencil but at least after all of his superstitions have been met Tetsurou is left to himself. That only makes him wish that he at least knew someone else who planned on being here today.

Instead of eating at lunch Tetsurou sits at the same desk he's been at for three hours and collapses into his arms. He's jostled awake by the girl sitting next to him and he's sure his face is a mess but he thanks her with what he hopes is a nice smile anyway.

When finally the day is over she introduces herself as someone hoping to study physiology and Tetsurou decides that it's close enough to his interests to at least do the courtesy of remembering her name and taking down her contact details. She's travelled in from the countryside and at the very least they can be lonely together if they're both successful.

Tetsurou crashes on the train home.

He wakes to darkness outside of the window and a million messages and missed calls on his phone. He's surprised the vibrations didn't wake him up, but also not. He's still so, so tired. Most of the calls and messages are from his parents, but there's also one in the mess from his new friend and another couple from Kenma. It's nice of Kenma to check up on him but the first messages and calls he has to reply to are his parents.

Hopefully, because he's so late dinner will be on the table and ready to eat when he gets home because his stomach is eating itself with how desperate he is for sustenance.

After what Tetsurou is pretty sure is the longest day that has ever been he finally drags himself to the bathroom to get ready for bed. "I left some gifts on your pillow for them, make sure to move them before collapsing for the night."

"Thanks!" Tetsurou calls out to her. She already gave him a gift this morning but this one seems less for the holiday and more for the actual day. After all, Princess was a gift for his high school exams. Hopefully, it's not another cat because it's already tough enough to share his bed with Princess although sometimes he wonders if that's his fault for giving her that name. Spoilt brat.

On his bed, Princess is purring against a ball of something so haphazardously wrapped that he's not even sure how Princess hasn't managed to take the paper apart yet. Next to her, completely outside of any of Princess's attention is a pile of delicately wrapped gifts. Chocolates, cakes, protein snacks, not something that Tetsurou really expects from his parents as a congratulatory thing. Strange. The gift Princess seems to be making out with makes a lot more sense at least. A giant ball of catnip that as soon as it's released from its paper prison she takes into her mouth and continues to suck on at the end of his bed. Ew, she's drooling everywhere. Oh well, he's thankful for anything, even if his parents seem to think that his lack of energy today will be fixed by far too much food.

He picks up all the paper that he's spread around his room unwrapping everything and freezes in place when he finds a piece of card with his name on his. Just his name. Stencilled across the card in tight, neat writing that Tetsurou has definitely seen before. Not from his parents then, from them.

Three slow knocks sound on the door.

"Yes?"

"If you have someone special in your life you should have let us know." Tetsurou wants to say something back, it's not a special someone, not in that way, not in the way he's thinking. "If you need us to leave the house at anytime just let us know and we can talk about it. We know you're growing up and we don't want to be in the way of anything you might find yourself wanting to do." No, not in that way at all.

Tetsurou burrows his head between his pillows, face on fire and heart racing and only calms down once he hears his doors close and footsteps disappear further off down the hall.

 

 

Tetsurou immediately regrets asking the question. His mum's face is lit up in a way that Tetsurou has never seen before, which is almost offensive but she just looks so happy. He should have followed through with his original plan of going over to Kenma's house to bake. The problem with that is Tetsurou knows that Kenma will either not care at all or he will be far too curious. His mum might have more light in her eyes than he's ever seen in his life, she's happy, she'll ask questions, but she also won't push any further from what Tetsurou is willing to give her. Also, she can bake.

The only downside to the entire thing is how happy she is bustling around the kitchen and pulling ingredients from doors that Tetsurou didn't even know opened. He really should spend more time with her in the kitchen if he plans on leaving home at any time in the future... he'll get there eventually. For now, he has this and this is embarrassing enough because his mum is just so happy and Tetsurou can't ever introduce her to the reason she's so happy. It's not embarrassing, it's difficult and disappointing and Tetsurou wishes things could be different but they aren't. If they were then his mum might not be radiating sunshine in the centre of their kitchen on what is otherwise a grey and dismal day.

"So, what do they like?"

"Food," Tetsurou answers completely unsure of himself. He's asked for help in making something because they like to eat but what he knows isn't useful. Akaashi will stoop down to stealing his lunch but is still above asking for what he wants. Bokuto's penchant for consuming every single piece of protein does not translate to a gift Tetsurou can make, it only helps to explain how he looks the way he does.

"Sweet or salty?" His mum pursues but Tetsurou has no idea.

"One of each?" 

"Hedging your bets, huh? I guess that's one way to go." Tetsurou ponders on telling her that it's not hedging, it's one of each for two different people and the knowledge that at least one of the recipients is expected to be polite enough to pass over his preference if they both want the same one. No, he'll leave the reveal for a day when she isn't the happiest he's ever seen just on the off chance it won't be received well or on the very real chance that being given the extra information will haver her wanting to know more.

"One salty, one sweet," Tetsurou confirms, "any suggestions?"

"Oh!" She claps her hands together so hard Tetsurou jumps and accidentally knocks a bowl to the floor with the sweep of his arm. "Don't worry Tetsurou, that was my fault, but I have a brilliant idea!" I hope they like a lot of food or don't mind sharing."

Lots of food to share sounds a lot like exactly what Tetsurou wants.

"--what do you think?"

"Sounds good," Tetsurou thinks at least. To be honest he has no idea what his mum has just said but she had his attention at _lots of food_. It sounds perfect for them.

Later in the day, Tetsurou sits on his own in the dark of his living room and realises his mistake. He has all of the food he's made around him. It smells delicious, some of it looks delicious, he doesn't know if it actually is delicious. He hasn't thought this through.

All of the effort he's put into making the food, building up the courage to ask his mum for help, a month spend panicking over how he was meant to pay them back for everything they have ever done for him. It may just be a holiday, tradition, but the reality of Tetsurou's feelings go so much further than just returning their gift from a month ago. There's no way he can ever pay them back for all the years he's known them, but at the very least he can thank them with this.

If they were here he could thank them with the things he's made. But they're not here, he's alone. More than that, Tetsurou doesn't know how to call them here. He doesn't know how he's supposed to let them know that he has something for them that he has a lot of somethings for them. He has so many sticky treats around him that just the thought of having to eat them himself is giving him a toothache. If they don't know, if neither of them come then Tetsurou will have to do something about them seeing as his dad only took his mum out for dinner to keep her from intruding on what they think is an important date for him.

It's not an important date. It could be. Maybe. With three people? All at once? Can he do that? He's kissed them both - well, they've both kissed him - and from the books he's read that's fine so long as they know and well... he hasn't told them but Tetsurou is pretty sure that they know. They have to know. If they don't, maybe it's not as okay as Tetsurou thinks. 

If... If they don't know then it's really, really bad. It doesn't matter than Tetsurou didn't initiate the kisses, he still accepted them. Felt his heart race and his face flush in enjoyment from the both of them no matter how much he may have been surprised by them in the moment. It doesn't matter that Bokuto kissed him in excitement for the celebration, that Akaashi claimed his was luck for the night and the year ahead; to Tetsurou, they meant so much more. He's thought about them and analysed them and projected them into his dreams - dreams about his dream boys - but if they don't know about each other then he is _that_ _guy_. Tetsurou does not want to be that guy. 

The spread of food around him now seems unappetizing. Unappealing. If they get angry at him - because Tetsurou has to tell them - a little food isn't going to fuel forgiveness. He doesn't know what he'll have to do for that. He hopes it's something he can do, he hopes they can forgive him. He hopes they will learn to share his heart and his mind, if that is something they want, and his body and soul and the measly food he's created to represent that. He hopes they'll like it, that they'll understand. This is how he's felt all along, but he's only now realised that they might not know this. 

It's an easy mistake, he's only human and they... they are magical and wonderful and everything else and Tetsurou hopes they will stay with him after this.

 

 

Bokuto looks good on the beach. Salt water drips down his body and he cheers with each crash of the waves over him. Here, now, it's way past the middle of the night. It's dark and cold and also not because out here, away from the city and the bright lights Tetsurou is used to seeing there are things that bring the night to life. The half moon beams down majestically from the heavens, light bouncing off the clouds, and if Tetsurou saw this sky more often he might even be able to pick out some of the constellations.

Another cheer draws Tetsurou's attention back to the ocean and the waves and Bokuto who carries the light of the moon with him as always. He seems at home here, with his loud noise and his cold presence but Tetsurou thinks he would fit just as well in the day time or in the summer. Bokuto's dark body and his light hair and his wide smile seem like they were made for a summer on the beach.

Tetsurou doesn't look like he's meant to be here at all. He doesn't even look dressed for sitting on the sand just to observe the marvel that is Bokuto what with his lack of foresight - not changing from his good pyjamas before giving into the pull in his chest that led him here.

Bokuto hasn't said anything yet, hasn't talked to him yet, but Tetsurou knows that Bokuto knows he is here. He's just relentless as always, immune to the cold and forgetting that Tetsurou is not so fortunate. Still, he's out here now and Bokuto is out there and Tetsurou is not going to let an opportunity for them to spend time together go to waste.

He only thinks it's a bad idea when the wet weight of his pyjamas drag him under each wave instead of over it and it takes Bokuto's delightful arms pulling around his body and keeping him afloat. This makes it kind of worth it. Bokuto's body is pressed against his as he pushes them further out to rock in the waves before they get close enough to break. Tetsurou is shivering but it's for so many different things in addition to the cold that he can brush off this one reason.

"Are you even wearing clothes?" It's something Tetsurou should have noticed earlier, something he should have been able to tell from his ogling of Bokuto from the beach and definitely from clinging to him now. The cold must be hitting him more than he wants to think about.

"Why would I be? I don't want to get my clothes wet!"

"Yeah," something Tetsurou definitely should have thought about beforehand. Before jumping into the cold water in his nice, warm, heavy pyjamas and well, he's not always at his best around Bokuto. Bokuto brings out the spontaneous, willful side of him which is not always good but it's never been bad.

"Wait, are you dressed?" Tetsurou tries very hard to keep still as Bokuto's hand's trail over him. Down his back and under his shirt, and it's cold and it's nice and Tetsurou is shivering again for all of the reasons. "Do you have clothes up on the beach?"

"No, they're in my room."

"What are you going to wear when you get out of the water?" Tetsurou is trying not to think about it because he has no idea. He ran headfirst into the water not thinking about anything else but the boy he was chasing after. "If you try to dry off in your clothes you'll only get colder."

"I'm freezing now Bokuto, I don't think I can get any colder."

It's just a statement, a fact. Something that's been at the back of his mind all night but evidently nowhere close to Bokuto's mind because worry paints over his features and Tetsurou knows the night is over. He should have kept his mouth shut. He shouldn't have said anything. He wants to spend time with Bokuto, he doesn't want that time cut short.

It is colder once his body is above the roll of the ocean. The air bites at his clothes and his teeth chatter and Bokuto looks like he's just been told the world is ending. It's not ending. It's just fucking cold.

"You're an idiot, I'm an idiot, I'm the biggest idiot. Akaashi told me it was too early to swim but you're staying at the beach and I got excited. I haven't been to the beach in forever!"

"Hey, hey, calm down Bokuto, it's okay." It's okay, Tetsurou tells himself too as Bokuto walks up the beach with an easy grasp on Tetsurou in his arms. This isn't nice, this is cold and wet and horrible and Bokuto can carry Tetsurou in his arms up a beach without even losing his breath. "I watched you in the water for a while. I could have stayed there, it was my choice to join you in the water." It was Tetsurou's choice to do it fully dressed. What an idiot.

"Here seems good, take your clothes off." Tetsurou hopes that Bokuto knows where _here_ is because he sure doesn't, and he's the one who'll have to find his way back to the room he's meant to be asleep in some time before morning comes--

And Bokuto has his hands running down the buttons of Tetsurou's pyjama top and he remembers that there was a second half to Bokuto's sentence.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Tetsurou pushes Bokuto's hands away from where they have nearly finished unbuttoning his top. "Why do I have to take my clothes off?"

"Body heat!"

"Okay," Tetsurou tries to urge Bokuto on to explain further when he stops talking while simultaneously batting his hands away. 

"Body heat is the best way to warm up, right? I saw it in a movie, you have to have to take your clothes off because skin to skin is best."

Tetsurou huffs a sigh and the brief absence of his concentration is enough for Bokuto to rip his shirt from his body. "What the fuck Bokuto? You don't even have body heat!"

Bokuto chucks Tetsurou's shirt away where it falls to the floor. He has the guts to reach for the string of Tetsurou's pants after and Tetsurou has to hit Bokuto's hands away again. "Dude, no! It's freezing, can't you just take me back to the room?"

Bokuto's entire body droops and Tetsurou has to consciously keep himself from being affected by it. 

"I can do that if you want," Bokuto says, voice low and slow and clearly affected by Tetsurou's desire to leave. "I just thought we could sit by the heater and I could direct the cold away from you."

"You can do that?"

"Akaashi can do it with his thing, so it can't be too hard." Tetsurou is willing to bet that it is in fact very hard. "So please? Just a few minutes and if it doesn't work I'll take you back!"

Tetsurou wants to go to his room. He wants to warm up and he wants to sleep in order to prepare for the day to come, but even more than that he wants to stay with Bokuto. "Five minutes," he declares and wishes that Bokuto's smile could warm him up as easily as it spreads across his face.

Tetsurou averts his gaze as he strips himself of his pyjama pants and the last of his dignity. But averting his gaze does nothing when he can feel where Bokuto's eyes rest on him. An option he hasn't considered is a full body blush to warm him up because that's definitely where his body is heading. Better for his blood to flush his skin than something else, Tetsurou thinks, shivering once more as Bokuto sits him down and lines his body up protectively behind him.

 

 

Being home for the summer doesn't seem like such a big deal when Tetsurou commutes to university anyway. The only difference is not needing to rush around the house in the morning to make it to his lectures. Being home for the summer doesn't seem like a big deal except for the fact that his air conditioning is broken--

And the fact that Akaashi had shown up two weeks into his break and then every day since.

Every. Single. Day.

Every single day while Tetsurou's house is hot, his room is hot, and Akaashi is hot. Not hot like _that_ but also like that. And with each day that Tetsurou heads upstairs from breakfast to find Akaashi draped precariously over his bed in too little clothes but also too many clothes Tetsurou is reminded that he's home alone. He's home alone with a barely dressed boy sitting on his bed in the heat of his first summer of university and Tetsurou has seen the movies. He wouldn't be opposed to living out the movies but he's just himself and that's a big step to take. He's fairly sure Akaashi knows what's on his mind all this time, it's written in the spark of his eye and the quirk of his lips, but it's also very Akaashi to leave the first move up to him. Bokuto would not.

Akaashi's presence is a distraction but Tetsurou is able to focus when he wants to. Scratch that. With Akaashi sitting on his bed with him, studying is the last thing Tetsurou wants to do but because it's something he _needs_ to do he can. Because he needs to he can focus on his essays while Akaashi sits silently reading by his side. Sometimes they're books that look fun, other times he's reading Tetsurou's textbooks and Tetsurou has to think that with all the summer classes Akaashi used to sit in on he must really like to learn. Tetsurou does too but there's a limit to the things he finds interesting. His chemistry textbook is not one of the things he finds interesting. Akaashi reading his textbook out to him? That's a lot more interesting. If Akaashi could have read out Tetsurou's textbooks in high school he might have found studying a lot easier. Or found it sent him to sleep earlier but there are always downsides.

Tetsurou doesn't see Akaashi talking at him for hours as a bad thing at all. Akaashi could read the phone book and Tetsurou would still find himself attracted to the low melodic tone of his voice. It's an addiction. With every day that Akaashi sits in Tetsurou's space, it takes less and less time for Tetsurou to give in to the draw of his voice. Less time for him to shift closer and feel the way Akaashi's voice projects into the world. Through his chest, through his throat, through his mouth that tastes of warmth and comfort and everything Tetsurou has always felt in Akaashi's presence multiplied by a thousand. 

This is how Tetsurou knows Akaashi knows what he does to him. 

As soon as Tetsurou moves the book is gone. The second that Tetsurou gives in Akaashi moves with him against him. Mouth warm and pliant and hands roaming and mirroring his own as Tetsurou gives in to the long bare legs that have been teasing him and the warm skin that greets his touch. It's addicting, Akaashi is addicting and intoxicating and knowing the way he tastes and moves is what has Tetsurou giving in to the pull of him sooner and sooner with each passing day. It's the nicest way to end his day before Tetsurou has to leave to the bubble of existence that is his room. It's the nicest way to end his day and every day the moment lasts longer and longer.

Akaashi's head buried between his pillows, body resting beneath Tetsurou's own. Blood rushing and skin catching between lips and it always ends too soon. Tetsurou doesn't know where it is he wants these moments to go, he only knows that when Akaashi eventually pulls away to leave he wants more.

 

 

Tetsurou feels weird for checking into the hotel by himself. It's probably not the strangest thing the receptionist has seen but when everybody else around him is very obviously asking for rooms in pairs he feels like he stands out. There would probably be fewer people around if he went on a night that wasn't the festival but at least this way he blends into the crowd and his parents aren't going to ask questions about his night, they'll only make assumptions. He's fine with them making assumptions. AS long as he keeps a straight face they don't get anything out of it.

Tetsurou doesn't know what time they'll show up. All these years and he still doesn't know how exactly it is they know where he is at all times. Whatever it is, he's trusting in it now. He's trusting in it because he's pooled so much of his money into requesting a room with a north facing balcony on the middle floors as per Akaashi's very specific instructions. If they don't show up all Tetsurou is going to be able to do by himself is have a nice bath. Well, there are other things he can do by himself but it's nowhere close to what he has planned for the night, to what he thinks he has planned for the night, that doing something by himself would be more than a little disappointing. He can do that anytime he wants when he isn't paying for a room by the hour. It's the most adult thing he's ever done. For now. Tonight changes a lot of things.

For now, he doesn't know when one or both of them are going to show up and exploring the room has only tinted his face red and reminded Tetsurou what their plans are for the night. With a fresh bout of nervousness, Tetsurou fills up the bathtub and throws in a bubble bath that promises to relax him. He hopes the bubble bath keeps its promise because he would really like to relax right now. He'd like to relax at least for a little while until the nervousness inevitably hits again.

Tetsurou washes and climbs into water that is just a little too hot.

The sound of the bathroom door sliding open rouses Tetsurou from his thoughts. He expects it to be Bokuto poking his head through but it's Akaashi. He looks softer, younger, with the way he's dressed up in the Yukata the hotel room has provided, the front of it drooping down and showing off more skin of Akaashi's then he's seen before. Tetsurou gulps and reminds himself that tonight is all about more. Seeing more and doing more and not having to stop as the day comes to an end. 

And Tetsuro keeps trying not to look too directly at him, but Akaashi isn't averting his eyes at all. Tetsurou can fee his face burn where Akaashi's gaze sits, and can feel it when it moves down. To his neck, to his chest, down his stomach and--

 _Oh_. 

The bubbles are disappearing but Tetsurou does his best to adjust them to no avail it seems when Akaashi lets out a soft breath of air that equates to a laugh.

"What's he doing?" Tetsurou's bubble defence is destroyed when he jumps at Bokuto's voice. So, they're both here.

"He's in the bath," Akaashi replies softly.

"Are you joining him?"

"I don't know," for the entire conversation Akaashi's eyes haven't left his body, "that's up to him." And Tetsurou realises as well that although Akaashi is eyeing him up in loose clothing and starting to flush from the heat in the room he hasn't stepped in. He's still in the doorway and Tetsurou likes that. He likes that Akaashi always stops, always waits for him to move. He likes it because it's if Akaashi pushed Tetsurou would give in to everything, to anything. He likes it because Akaashi respects that although he has this power over him, he leaves it up to Tetsurou to move things forward. And if that's too slow for his liking Akaashi has never complained of it to him.

Tetsurou looks at the bubbles and the bath and the cooling water and back to Akaashi. "It's not worth getting in I was just about to get out."

"Another time then," Akaashi says, leaving and sliding the door closed behind him. 

Tetsurou has however long it takes to get dressed to prepare himself for whatever is on the other side of the door. It doesn't take him long to get dressed. Thinking is going to get him nervous again and he doesn't need to get nervous. He's known these people forever, he doesn't need to get nervous. They probably know him better than he even knows himself. There's nothing for him to get nervous about. He doesn't need to think he just needs to open the door and know that even with all these plans if he's still not ready he doesn't need to do anything. He doesn't have to do anything.

But he wants to.

He wants to so that Akaashi isn't pulling away because he thinks Tetsurou isn't ready. He wants to because he's felt everything of Bokuto and still wants to know more. He wants to so that he can chase Bokuto's breath when they press up against each other. He wants to so that he can figure out how to tease Akaashi back. He wants to because he's never felt, he never will feel, a connection to anyone as close as he feels to them. He wants to because of holidays spent playing volleyball and nights spent poring over books. He wants to because they've been there for him in everything and he wants them here for this too. He wants to because they're the most wonderful, beautiful, magical people and he wants them closer, tighter, held in his grasp and exhaled on shaky breaths. He wants to because he wants nothing more than them.

He wants raw emotion, unfiltered, focused. On him, on them, on each other.

Tetsurou takes a deep breath and opens the door to Bokuto and Akaashi pressed up against each other by the balcony door. Akaashi arms press in at the gap in Bokuto's chest, they wrap around dark skin and toned muscle and Tetsurou definitely wants to get in on that. There are no nerves now, there's just him and them and everyone together is still so rare that he's excited just to see them. More excited to see them like this. To see the two people he loves loving each other. To see them not even knowing he's there until he's moved all the way across the room to press further at Bokuto's yukata.

Tetsurou pushes it off to see more, more, more. And even then Bokuto doesn't seem to notice him but Akaashi's hands squeeze at his, hold over his and drag his hands over parts of Bokuto that he's never seen before, never touched before, never would have now if it weren't for Akaashi leading him. Warm soft pliant skin, lower and lower and lower and Tetsurou steps up behind Bokuto right as the yukata drops completely to the floor.

Bokuto turns around and Tetsurou has kissed Akaashi this way, but with Bokuto, it's always been soft. This is not soft. This is desperate. This is messy and slick and Tetsurou loves it. He shivers under Bokuto's cold hands pressing against his skin but it's countered by Akaashi moving in and pressing his lips down his neck, across his chest, down, down, down. 

"He's having too much fun isn't he?" Bokuto laughs against his lips, "and he's the only one still dressed."

Akaashi, Akaashi who is a tease and a flirt and the one who coaxed Tetsurou closer and closer to this moment with every day over the last few weeks. Teasing and coaxing with too few clothes and too many touches and presses that were always falling short of exactly what he needed. Now, now he can exact revenge.

Bokuto is the one who undresses him and Tetsurou lets his hands move over skin and bone and all the new unexplored places that are open to him. Akaashi is beautiful, they're both beautiful, they're both here for him. They're both here and undressed and kissing and touching and Tetsurou can't believe that he was scared of this, scared of them. There's nothing to be scared of. They're his. He's theirs. It's the way it's always been. Him and them, together or apart, always on his mind. Always, always. Always together. Now is just a celebration of it. Cementing the face. Writing it into his bones. Body and mind, soul and spirit. Connected now and always. Even if he can't see them. Even if they aren't physically with him.

Having a second bath in one night is a treasure. It's necessary, but also a treat. Akaashi sits warm and content in his lap trailing his hands through the water and spreading the bubbles and Bokuto talks at them through the closed door.

"This is nice," Tetsurou squeezes tighter against Akaashi's chest, can feel his heart beating a steady rhythm beneath his hand. "I wish Bokuto could have joined us, I feel bad for leaving him out."

"He's fine," Akaashi replies, "he doesn't do well in enclosed spaces." There's more to the words than Tetsurou can think about in his current state of mind. Maybe he'll think about them later, maybe he won't, at the very least he knows not to expect to bathe with Bokuto anytime soon.

"At least I'm not afraid of the sky!" Bokuto shouts, Akaashi flinches in his arms. Tetsurou didn't even know that Bokuto could hear them from where he sits in the room, but clearly he can and clearly he doesn't like being talked about without being able to defend himself.

There's more to the words again.

Another night, Tetsurou tells himself, another night. Another night, another time, if he can get them both together, whether that's here or at home or one of the other places he remembers being graced with them both at once that's fine. Next time he just needs to make sure that his mind isn't sky high when the time for real conversation comes around.

 

 

For so long he doesn't see them. If it were anyone else Tetsurou might feel like he was used but he still feels the pull of them in his life. It's strange.

For so long he doesn't see them but they pull at his life when Princess gets sick, when his train breaks down, when he has assignments due in but he just can't think.

For so long he doesn't see them but he doesn't feel like they are gone from his life.

It's strange being so attuned to his surroundings like this. He feels like he's plugged into the turn of the earth, into it's very rotation. He looks out for everything. For every sign that they have ever been alive and that they've ever been a part of him.

It's refreshing in a way once Tetsurou gives in to the fact that this is a time for him. When he turns his back on the will to wait and to watch for them he discovers so much more about the life he's been missing. He pays more attention in class, he asks questions in his labs, he goes out to lunch with friends and acquaintances and he goes over to Kenma's one weekend a month to play games. He spends all this time with so many people and doing so many things that he almost forgets that he's doing this to forget about the emptiness in his life. It's still there. Tetsurou doesn't expect it to leave, but it gets easier and easier to deal with.

The pull in his chest takes him to the mountains and to forests and to beaches he's never been to. He goes with old friends and new friends and sometimes it's just him. Sometimes it's just him on his back on the middle of nowhere watching stars chase each other across the night sky and wondering if they have something they're waiting for too.

He has to remind himself occasionally that before he got too comfortable with them there were years between visits. It wasn't every day it wasn't every week it was years and years and years. 

 

 

His parents are overseas for his twentieth birthday. Tetsurou's a little upset, but he knows that he's meant to be at home. He knows this in the way Princess growls every time he takes a step too close to the door. She knows. She knows him and she knows them and sometimes Tetsurou thinks she knows so much more - sometimes all he has to do is feed her treats and then he thinks that it's all in his head. He's putting too much faith in her.

Or just enough.

Princess scratches at the front door and purrs loudly enough that Tetsurou has to pause his movies to come and investigate. She paws at the wall, at a scarf that is more her than wool and Tetsurou can see through the window a car with lights on in his front driveway.

His first instinct is to hide. He's home alone with a cat that knows too much and the car sitting in front of his house is making her antsy. It's not a good sign. Tetsurou walks back to the lounge room away from the door but closer to the car. Through the window he can see pale skin and black hair and it's terrifying when the person moves until Tetsurou catches green eyes that shine all the way through the dark.

This is what he's been waiting for.

Princess races out the door as soon as Tetsurou has it cracked open. He doesn't even get a chance to stop her, but she doesn't run away as he has feared. She to the car, towards Akaashi's open window where she jumps with all her might to push herself through. He can see the surprise in Akaashi's face when she lands in his lap and Tetsurou can only hope that Akaashi doesn't mind taking an extra passenger. She's probably missed Akaashi more than he has. By the time Tetsurou has made it across to the car after locking the front door she's already kneading at his chest and purring into his face. Tetsurou laughs as he slides into the passenger seat and Akaashi turns the car on to go. "I hope you don't mind her coming along? She's missed you," unsaid are the words that Tetsurou has missed him too.

"I've missed her too," and Tetsurou hears the extra words he didn't say, "she's a much healthier weight to have on my lap than the others are."

Tetsurou tries to take Princess back when Akaashi starts to drive but she doesn't want to leave him. She digs her claws into Akaashi's legs and even as he switches gears through the city she holds on tight. Tetsurou likes the way Akaashi smiles down at her whenever there's a particularly tighter turn or when he needs to break quickly. Princess doesn't seem to care at all about the way she is knocked around by Akaashi's knees and Tetsurou just knows that if was him driving she would have moved immediately. If it was him driving she would have never sat on his lap to start with. For being his cat Princess loves Akaashi far too much.

Tetsurou wants to know where they're going, especially as the lights of the city fade into nothing behind them and they turn onto the expressway. Especially as even that gets taken over by long winding roads around mountains and forests and over rivers and Tetsurou feels like he's been here before. When Akaashi pulls the car over not in what he would call a parking spot but also exactly that Tetsurou feels the pull of them both all around him. He exits the car and dives into the trees and Akaashi doesn't follow him but Tetsurou follows himself. Follows this thing that's pulling him. Bokuto is in here. Akaashi is all around him. He knows this feeling like the back of his hand.

He knows this path, he walked it once in a dream.

"Welcome home!" Greets him at the end of it, in a cave that should be dark but shines like the moon is hung in it's centre.

Tetsurou steps properly into the space and the air changes around him. He doesn't get long to think about it before he's tackled to the floor by kittens. Four of them, four of them that tickle at the back of his mind. Four of them that become five when Princess launches herself into the mess. Princess is his baby but she's so much bigger than all of her siblings now. They're still actual babies and Princess looks like a giant. They don't all fit on his lap but they try, Princess purrs contentedly on him for once for the brief seconds Tetsurou gets before Akaashi shows up.

"When you said you kept them I didn't realise you like kept them, kept them."

"I don't understand," Akaashi says.

"I never knew you had a real home, so I never pictured you raising cats, kittens, although they haven't grown so I don't even know if raising is the right word--"

"Princess hasn't grown since I last saw her but you've still been raising her."

Tetsurou takes the words because Akaashi focusing on the cats is better than focusing on the fact that Tetsurou wants to take back that he didn't think Akaashi and Bokuto had a home where they lived and came back to. He doesn't know what he thought they actually did when they weren't with him but it's nice to see that they have a cosy abode to retire to.

"So what occasion brings me to your humble abode?"

"Do you like it?" Bokuto asks, sitting down on the floor with Tetsurou and surrendering his hands to a lap full of excited kittens. He looks a lot more upbeat than the last time Tetsurou saw him playing with them.

"It's very you," is all Tetsurou can say. He can't see much and he doesn't know how much he's going to see. There's a faint silvery light that Tetsurou usually associates with Bokuto flowing through the space. Pulsing and changing like the beat of a heart. There are dark corners and shadows aplenty still, Akaashi's touch of magic. It's very them. Small and cosy and outside but inside and Tetsurou thinks that when he moves out of home maybe he can try to recreate something like this. It'll be hard but then maybe Akaashi and Bokuto could live with him. They could see each other more often without putting months and years in between the times when he gets to see the both of them together. It's always nice to have one or the other, but they have such different effects on the way he feels and the way they spike his energy that having them together is what feels best. It balances him out. 

"It should be, it's our home," Akaashi says and Tetsurou feels like an idiot again. It's just. Akaashi and Bokuto are here and the last time he was with them together they--

He has cats in his lap he can't think about that. He can't taint their poor innocent souls. They don't deserve to suffer the same fate that Princess always walks in on. He can't think because it's been so long and suddenly in one day he's an adult and with the both of them again in the middle of a forest which still kind of feels like a place he's been before. In a dream.

"Have you brought me here before?" Maybe they have in his sleep. Maybe he's dreamed this place up before.

"Yes! Yes!" Bokuto cheers.

"You have?"

"Yes! We played with Rusty when he was a baby!"

"You told me you met him before, you didn't tell me you brought him in here, that makes today a lot less special." Akaashi seems disappointed, which Tetsurou doesn't understand because even though he thinks he's been here before, even though Bokuto says he's been here before, he hasn't been in here. He's walked past it, he remembers the light shining through the trees and an owl - _Rusty?_ \- in his palm and the boy who made him shiver. Still-

"I haven't been to your home before, we just walked past it."

"I found him on the side of the road!" Bokuto cheers, Tetsurou thinks it makes him sound like some abandoned animal and the look Akaashi throws his way has Tetsurou thinking the same thought has crossed his mind.

"I was with my parents."

"You stole him?" Akaashi turns on Bokuto, who crawls arouns on the floor to sit behind Tetsurou. He's not sure how much he likes being a barrier between Bokuto and an angry Akaashi.

"I took him back!"

"He did, my parents didn't even notice me missing."

"Still," Akaashi doesn't finish, he takes a few deep breaths to calm down and runs a hand through Princess's fur. "Happy birthday Kuroo-san." Akaashi smiles and Tetsurou floods with warmth even with Bokuto pressed to his back.

"I forgot!" Tetsurou winces at Bokuto's voice in his ear. "Happy birthday!" He pushes the words into Tetsurou with a kiss against his skin. "This is our present!"

"This?"

"Our home. It's your home too whenever you need it, whenever you want it, whenever you want us." Akaashi says. "We can still come to you, but if you ever want both of us this is the easiest space for it."

Bokuto hums against his ear in agreement. "If we're here it doesn't hurt."

Akaashi makes a face and Tetsurou feels like his is falling. From happy to sad just like that. "Hurts?" 

Akaashi shakes his head and Tetsurou feels Bokuto gasp behind him. "It's fine." It's not. It's not if it hurts. Tetsurou thinks about all the times Akaashi has been in his room and all the times Bokuto met him at the pool. Hurts. It hurts. They came and they hurt and it was just to be with him. To help him.

For years, they've been doing this for years. Staring all from a long car ride and a lonely night they've been helping him. From practicing volleyball to studying for exams they've been helping him. From hot days to lonely nights they've been helping him. They've been with him.

Compared to that, coming here is nothing, being here is nothing. It's an hours drive in the middle of the night. It's nothing. Years and years and years they've given him and really, it's about time he gave back. It's nothing at all to give back to them. To come here and stay here, for a short while, for a little while. Not always, just when he wants to, just when he misses them.

He'll have to buy a car.

He'll have to figure out how to get a drivers license.

It's nothing compared to what they've done for him.

 


End file.
